Lyrics

Listen Kid, I’ve been your agent since you were knee high
And you know that I will always shoot you straight
But you’re not gonna make it kid, I think you can see why
Listen kid, I love your stuff, I think your stuff is great!

But I don’t count, kid. I’m a servant, just another minion
It’s the public and they’ve heard your greatest stuff
And it appears that in the public’s uninformed opinion
I’m sorry kid, you’re just not good enough

I’m your agent kid
We’re reciprocally reliant
I’m your agent kid
And you’re my only client
What I had to do is what I did
Cause I’m your agent, kid.

You know I’ll always love ya kid, in my eyes you’re a giant
But I think it’s time for us to close up shop
Trust me kid, it hurts me too. Hell, you’re my only client!
But we both know it’s time for us to stop.

Remember when you started kid? You were full of vigor!!
And I tried my best to always steer you straight!
If you’d had a break or two you coulda have been much bigger!
But I’m sorry kid, we both know its too late.

I’m your agent kid
We’re reciprocally reliant
I’m your agent kid
And you’re my only client
What I had to do is what I did
Cause I’m your agent, kid.

You know 30 million songs are now recorded every year?
If every song were a dollar bill, it would weigh well over a ton
And I believe in your stuff kid, people would like it if only they took time to hear.
So acting as your agent, I did what must be done.

While you were playing a gig that I got you
at an IPA brewery tasting
I jumped on the stage and I doused you with fluid for lighting up charcoal briquets
I struck a match slowly and watched you catch fire
and scream as your fair skin was basting
And it worked kid! The people took notice and paid close attention to one of your sets!

I hate to see you like this kid, with all these tubes and hoses
But I can tell its you behind those eyes
I’m glad we had a chance to talk before our window closes
And we have to say the last of our goodbyes

Listen Kid, I hope you understand how these things can spiral
And how multiple rights don’t necessitate multiple wrongs
But the video of your last gig has finally gone viral
And you’re a hit kid! people really like your songs!

I’m your agent kid
We’re reciprocally reliant
I’m your agent kid
And you’re my only client
What I had to do is what I did
Cause I’m your agent, kid.